Sometimes life just feels like a spin. I’m making decisions here and I don’t know why really. I’m sure it’s nothing abnormal but it just doesn’t feel right. I wish I didn’t have to make decisions to be honest. I just want things to fall into place sometimes, They had before, Almost.

If I’m honest to myself I hate London yet I’ve made a decision in my mind I want to spend my next year there. That’s what I call a compromise. I do really love acting and feel this is a great chance but, I’m in a very mentally unfit mind for it. I’m still very affected since living in London the first time. Saying it, you must think I must have went through brutal torture. Not quite, but I guess I just take things to close to my heart. 

I’m sure why and I wish I didn’t but I can’t change the fact that I do. 

I just don’t want to lose the track of time by compromising. I don’t believe life should be one big compromise. At the moment it is, Hopefully I’ll be looking back on this with a smile after all of my compromises finally having success. Just sometimes I don’t even want the success I just want to live in the now and enjoy the now. I feel stuck sometimes, like I just want to let go, I don’t think I’ve ever fully done it. I’ve just been dedicated.

I don’t know if anything has similar feelings or even has a clue what I’m saying.

Next week is my next big chance in life. A milestone for me and what I would probably call my biggest step yet. I will move to London yet again, start a new life, completely alone, the next step towards my dreams in life.